every new years I make these great long lists of improvements I want to make, things I want to change and ways I want to be better. As I’ve looked back on this year it has been one of my best… if not the best. I graduated, got a job, got pregnant, made new friends, got a new calling a church, learned, grown and become better everyday. but I’ve also been grumpy, lazy, gained weight, lost friends, fought, been jealous and so many other terrible things that I don’t want to remember from this year. as we start a new year and a new decade I want to focus on the good and forget the bad. remember the good in myself and focus on making that better. but how do i do that? if i haven’t been doing it for the past year or even years before that then what is going to make this year any different? how do i get to a place where I am the person I want to be. since I graduated and passed my final exam I feel like i am in a rut. like something is missing and the meaning and purpose that I had while in school and on a team has found me feeling empty and questioning who i am if I’m not a basketball playing student athlete. my identity has been shaken and because of that I felt empty and lonely wondering what the point really is. my faith was a little shaken and my happiness was lacking. its crazy how much the things we do are how we identify….. how did i let playing a sport affect who i was so greatly? why is moving on, growing up and experiencing new aspects of life so hard and scary? we become creatures of habit and when things are the same and easy it makes it easy to identify like that. the challenge is finding out who you are without the things you do determining that but rather the type of person you are.

so this year I want to be better and feel better but instead of making long lists of how I am going to be better i am going to do it little by little and day by day. Im going to focus on the good that I already am and build on that.

1. love more passionately
2. give freely to anyone who needs it
3. be the most friendly in the room. everytime you see someone you know they should leave feeling special.

life is hard and messy and busy and crazy and i want my daughter to see the good in me and want to be better because of that. I’m getting ready to shape a child to be a strong, independent, loving and kind woman who is going to make the world a better place. If i want all of that for her then I have to do everything I can to make the world even just a little bit better and make myself a little nicer, kinder and more loving everyday. so instead of it being a new year and a new me, it is a new year and an improved me, someone who is going to be better and get better little by little and in one year when I look back I want to be able to say I made a difference in the world and that I became a little bit better everyday.